It’s the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill said that.
Despite having many wise words about tact, Winston didn’t always have it himself. And just like Winston, I don’t always have tact, either.
Have you ever had a political debate with family that got super heated? Then when it’s over everybody pulls away and doesn’t talk to each other the rest of the night?
This sucks, right?
What if you could actually have political discussions without being at each other’s throats right after?
I have a solution that will actually make most people like you/respect you by the time you’re done any argument or debate.
Here’s The Solution..
The other day, I got into a light argument with some SJW’s. I hate that term — social justice warriors — because of the negative stereotype it conjures in many people’s mind. I am an ally to most of these causes, however one trend I’ve noticed among some of them is a glaring lack of tact.
The ability to have a constructive debate where everything doesn’t devolve into name-calling and venom.
I was attempting to tell them that they were right, but they could help people see their point of view much easier if they deployed tact and weren’t so condescending.
They didn’t agree.
They said that telling people to “police tones” and do extra “emotional labor” is a sign of white privilege.
There’s always a term for sh*t, isn’t there?
Well, weirdly enough I agreed with them about that, too.
Should the burden of responsibility be on the oppressed to not offend their oppressors?
Absolutely not. The oppressed have been held down long enough. They should be able to say whatever the hell they want to say and the oppressors should listen.
Should. That’s the key word there.
Answer me this, though..
When the hell does this happen in reality?
Do you really believe someone who has racist tendencies is going to sit there and take it when you tell them they’re a racist and are “what’s wrong with America?”
No. You’ll alienate the very people you’re trying to enlighten. Then nothing good comes out of it.
“ There are indeed embarrassing aspects of SJW or PC Culture; those who care about the right things, but in the wrong way and to a fever pitch bordering on ridicule.”
-Sara Lynn Michener
I love that quote from this article. I am happy for all the things SJWs stand for, but when remarks taste more like ridicule than honest debate, nobody is going to change their mind about anything.
Why It Doesn’t Work
We need to be practical, here.
If you had a boss that only told you all the things you were doing wrong 8 hours per day for 5 days per week, how would you like them?
What if you deserved it, too. What if you were a bumbling idiot that got everything wrong?
Would you like them?
If you don’t have a nose as long as Pinocchios, the answer to that question is no.
It’s funny, most SJW’s want equality and for the oppressors to treat the oppressed better, then some of them absolutely wallop anybody for disagreeing with them.
Does “be the change you want to see in the world” mean anything here?
Don’t Kick People When They’re Trying To Get Up
I believe when somebody sees your point of view and acknowledges that in debate, you need to praise that behavior.
You don’t double down, call them ignorant for not realizing it sooner, and ask them why they haven’t thought about XYZ as well.
This is what happened in the comments of one of my recent videos. I made a video talking about skin whitening here in the Philippines and how I don’t like it. I talked about how Americans of all races actively tan their skin.
The contrast between skin whitening in the Philippines and skin darkening in America was striking, and I had a simple message: rock what you got. Don’t alter your appearance to gain favor among your peers. Do it because you want to, not because you feel pressured to.
I also talked a little bit about the hate my girlfriend has received in the comments. She’s a Filipina who’s gotten some hate from her fellow filipinos — mostly targeting her appearance.
She said she was being bullied because of her skin color. She wasn’t as white as the whitest Filipinas and those of the “upper class.” People didn’t want to accept her for that.
Hearing that was like a bombshell to me. I couldn’t understand why anyone would tell someone they were ugly simply because of their skin color. I got some comments saying “Really dude? What planet have you been living on? Just goes to show the privilege! So ignorant!”
I mean, yeah, it does go to show my privilege, but I was making a video talking about some of these issues to educate others. They made it seem like I was Hitler or something. Can people at least give me the benefit of the doubt that I tried to do something good here?
It wasn’t like I was disagreeing with them.
This behavior floored me.
It’s like someone finally agreeing with me that MJ is better than Lebron, and then I say “Really dude? It took this long to see that? What planet have you been living on? Just goes to show your ignorance! Eyes wide shut!”
That’s kicking someone when they’re trying to get up.
Quite frankly, I’d be called a d*ck if I did that.
That’s literally the opposite of what should happen and makes SJWs seem addicted to reveling in superiority and condescendence.
Then it seems as if none of this is actually about educating anyone — it’s just about some SJWs feeling more superior than whoever they’re debating.
I’m Probably The Worst At This
I’m terrible at tact as well. A part of me weirdly enough loves debating people and making folks look like idiots in my comments section on Facebook.
It’s a terrible thing to admit after I just spent the article talking about people who get this wrong.
I am just as wrong as they are. My hands are just as dirty, and trust me, I will be taking my own advice in the future.
I hope you can, too. This is a terrible way to treat people and I believe empathy and kindness always goes farther than outrage and anger.